This topic is very important in my own self-improvement journey, mostly because I had to learn it the hard way. You absolutely must build your own life, or you will become part of someone else’s. Here are a few tips to set you on the path of building your own life, and some of the beliefs you will need in order to build with skill and success.
First, you have to stop depending on other people. The idea here is to take responsibility no matter what, there is almost always a way for you to impact a situation, directly or indirectly.
Failed a test? I don’t care whether your excuse is that the teacher has it out for you, or that your roommates were keeping you up all night and you were exhausted when it came to test time. Take responsibility. Stay after class to get in good graces with your teacher. Either talk with your roommates to find a solution or get new ones. The point is that you put the outcome in your own hands by taking responsibility. You are relying on yourself and the actions you take to create your success.
Ask a girl out and she turned you down? Maybe she’s not a snob and you weren’t confident enough when you talked to her. Look at improving your own life. Try working on yourself and developing confidence in areas other than talking to girls. Work on your body language. Are you closed down and insecure looking? Or are you open, charismatic, and positive? What did you talk about? Did you focus on yourself the entire time or did you ask her about what’s going on in her day and in her life? Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves, and it’s always better to be interested than interesting.
Not making enough money? Stop acting like a chump and complaining that the system is rigged. There are other people making money out in the world, they obviously have a method. Start working harder, read some books, talk to other successful people, and put in some hard work. Take responsibility and ownership for the results you are getting in life instead of making excuses.
Follow Your Own Path
You can’t control what other people do, say or think about you.
You are going to run into lots of people in your life you are not headed in the same direction you are. Even the people who are headed in the same direction will probably piss you off at some point.
Not everybody is going to like you.
Some people are going to talk about you behind your back.
Some people are going to talk about you to your face.
Not everyone is going to like your ideas. Many people may ridicule them.
But none of that matters to someone who is following their own path. They know the difference between something they can’t control, like the opinions, thoughts, and actions of other people, and what they can control.
Focus on what you can control.
Focus on maintaining a positive attitude.
Focus on moving forward.
Focus on taking action every single day, even if it’s a very small step towards your overall goal. Progress is progress.
You do have control over who surround yourself with. Remove these negative influences in your life and start surrounding yourself with people who support and empower you.
It’s naive to think that everything in the world is going to work out in your favor, and that everybody is going to like your idea, tell you how great and smart you are, and that you are destined for success.
But there are people like that out there, and it’s important that you gain exposure to both.
The negative influences will remind you what not to do, what type of person not to be towards yourself and towards other people. They will also remind you that you have a choice, and you don’t have to accept this negativity as part of your life. You have the power to remove it and replace it with something more positive and uplifting.
The positive influences in your life will keep you moving forward. Your friends will tell you they believe in you and will offer support in tough times. They will remind you what it is like to help someone and keep you in check when you get out of line.
Appreciate both the positive and the negative in your life, because they both have a purpose. But also remember to focus on what you can control.
You can’t control the actions, thoughts or opinions of other people. But you do have control over your own actions, thoughts, and opinions. Take control by removing these people from your life and replacing them with something possible.
Stop making yourself feel so helpless and focus on what you can control.
Stop People Pleasing
This is an extension of following your own path. People pleasing is a disease, and it makes you look weak.
Do you ever spend time around someone who really really really wants to be your friend and is trying so hard it’s annoying? Don’t be that person.
Be yourself. Trying to impress or please people exudes neediness, and that neediness makes you repulsive to others.
Have a take it or leave it attitude. Just be yourself, do your own thing and have fun. If you are who you are, and you let people know through your actions that you intend to stay that way, they will pick up on your confidence and strength.
Don’t be a jerk, still be a good natured person with good intentions, but don’t go out of your way to impress people. You aren’t doing yourself any favors, unless you want to look weak.
Create Your Own Magnetic Field
I don’t know who said it, but this is a great statement. You have to focus on your own path and your own journey, and in the process you will attract people to help you. Think of people who start their own companies. They create a demand for jobs, which people need, and their job becomes to help that person achieve their dream. You are giving people what they need, and you are getting what you need. Success is a two way straight, give a little, get a little.
When you walk into a room, people can tell if you are a leader or a follower. Which are you? Continuing on the topic of not being a people pleaser, you don’t need to impress people or suck up to them to get them to like and respect you. People are pack animals, and social creatures. In any group setting, they are looking for a leader. In most cases, a leader doesn’t have to suck up or impress anybody, they just have to lead.
If you are a beacon of confidence and strength wherever you are, people will come to your side simply to be in your presence, not because your uncle is super rich, you have the hottest girlfriend, or you have a friend who is related to a celebrity. Realize the value that you can bring to the table by simply living your mission and purpose in life. People will pick up on it, follow you, and you will have an abundance of all things good in life.